Beware of Your Washing Machine and its Shiftless Partner, the Dryer :: Exploratory Essays Research Papers

Beware of Your Washing Machine and its Shiftless Partner, the Dryer Professor’s comment: This student’s writing embodies a peculiar configuration of literary polish, linguistic facility, playful authorial self-awareness, and unadulterated goofiness. It is proudly, but not without trepidation, that I submit this essay to 123HelpMe and unleash the elegant lunacy of Rob Geis upon an unsuspecting world. Around the world, across America, even here in town, there is a crime occurring—a robbery of unguessed proportions and most of us aren’t even aware of it.It happens every week, yet we blithely aid and abet the criminals, willingly, if unconsciously, destroying the evidence of their heinous offence. These criminals are everywhere. They can usually be found working in pairs. They lurk in the dark corners of our home, or even in well-lit shops. The patrons of these storefront locations cast furtive glances at one another, feeding coins into slots as they are slowly, quietly robbed of their most prized possessions. I am talking about, of course, a theft of laundry. The criminals are your washing machine and its shiftless partner, the dryer. Manufacturers of these devious devices paint them white in order to enhance their image of cleanliness and honesty, but behind this friendly exterior there lies a crafty heart. Laundromat models are even equipped with glass doors. Through these doors, we watch, hypnotized, as our belongings are spun away from us. While discussing this laundry larceny, I refer not to the occasional petty pilferage of the odd argyle sock, in which every washer/dryer seems to indulge. This well-known and carefully documented occurrence is merely the tip, as it were, of the iceberg. Long misunderstood as pure coincidence, the lost-sock phenomenon was finally explained in an episode of the cartoon â€Å"Ren and Stimpy.† In this episode, the two fearless adventurers travel to an alternate universe, where they find an extremely smelly planet, which contains, amongst other sundry items, all the socks that have ever disappeared from our world. In retrospect, this kleptomaniacal attitude toward socks should have tipped me, of all people, off a little sooner. I have come to realize that I have been granted the gift of the Virgo, which is my astrological sign. Virgos are renowned for their attention to detail, although there are a few unenlightened souls who refer to us as obsessive/compulsive at best and anal-retentive at worst.